I am writing this post on a brand new laptop, which seems like good news. The circumstances that required the purchase of said laptop were less than ideal, however. Last Tuesday I had a bad day of epic proportions.
The day started innocently enough, Starbucks and school, a typical running-around morning. After preschool I walked into the house to discover the back door standing wide open. My beagle, demon that he is, managed to jiggle the lock and worm his way inside. Once inside he managed to tip over the trash can and help himself to rancid ravioli. He also spread coffee grounds all over the kitchen. How fun.
I started to clean the mess up and heard an awful sound from the office. The sound of sick beagle… on my brand new carpet. I think I moved in hyper-speed to the other room just in time to see my adorable dog soil my brand-spanking-new floor.
Madison, curious to see what the commotion was about came running behind me. She tripped over the cord to my laptop and sent it crashing from the table to the floor; shattering the screen. In the span of 15 minutes my day took a nosedive.
I found myself in an unusual and new position. For the first time in Madison’s life I felt completely out of control. I wanted to scream or cry or yell profanities; none of which I like to do in front of my kiddo. Greg wasn’t home so I couldn’t rely on him to take over parenting duties while I had a mental breakdown. I was on my own.
I asked Maddie to play in her room for a second, while explaining she wasn’t in trouble. I threw the dog outside and while I was there I let loose some very loud four letter words. I sent my husband a profanity laden text message and then I sat on the couch for a minute before I tackled the mess around me.
I bring this up because it is in this moment that I realized how hard parenting can be sometimes. It is these moments that can set the tone for how a child deals with conflict and mistakes, how they chose to handle issues in life. It is also in these moments that it is hardest to keep your cool.
It is kind of hard to admit that for a split second I wanted nothing more than to yell at my child or hit my dog for being so bad. I wanted to yell at my husband for not closing the door all the way and I wanted to kick myself for leaving the laptop cord hanging off of the table. But in truth, these things just happen. No matter how crappy, it is just a part of life.
I had to remind myself that it was just carpet, and with a little cleaning I was able to get the stain out. I was able to sweep up all of the coffee grounds and get my kitchen clean again. And I was able to buy a new laptop, one that I have to admit, I like a little more than my old one. All of this was just stuff, and it is either fixable or replaceable.
My daughters peace of mind is not as easily fixed and I am glad that I did not damage it by losing my cool in front of her. I can’t guarantee that I will always take the right track or that my daughter won’t hear me slip a four letter word every now and then. But in this moment, right now, I am glad that I didn’t react the way I wanted to. I guess that is why parenting is so hard, because it involves years of putting your own needs and basic instincts aside for the betterment of your child.
When I walked into my daughters bedroom, happily playing with her princess dolls I had a realization. Parenthood is hard because it is worth it.
a life just ordinary 