My face upon learning that cookie butter does not have the same amount of protein as peanut butter.
So, when life hands you lemons… amiright? I have decided that since I have only this body that I should try to take better care of it. I started watching what I eat, trying to be more active, and in general, trying to treat my body like a temple rather than a carnival. I would like to say that this is an epiphany I discovered out of a spiritual desire to be healthier. In reality, if I have to go through cancer and multiple surgeries my light at the end of the tunnel is that I want to look smoking hot when it is all said and done. So I have started operation #hotmombod (super deep, I know.) This means using an app called MyFitness Pal to help track everything I am doing.
Working Out Is Hard To Do
It has been eyeopening to say the least. One thing that comes to mind is that I don’t move around nearly as much as I thought I did. Also, it is apparently ill advised to have an appetizer doughnut before your main course doughnut. Chinese knock-offs of fit-bits are both awesome and terrible. Awesome, because the model that I bought seems to want to inflate my steps like an overzealous bestie… Let’s face it fat-bot, you and I both know that I didn’t walk 250 steps from my couch to the bathroom but I like that you are trying to make me feel better. Terrible when, after a couple of weeks, your fat-bot starts to malfunction… (or I have mastered the art of time travel) I know that fat-bot did not record my activities in 2008 nor is it 2020, so I think it may be dying. I think I can burn at least a few calories taking a hammer to the stupid thing. It can only be classified as a mercy killing at this point.
I am trying to be more mindful of my activities now, which is a good thing. And MyFitness Pal has quite an array of activities to choose from. I was super bummed to know that my favorite yoga move, the corpse pose, doesn’t burn as many calories as I had hoped. By apparently laundry burns a decent amount, and my family is ALWAYS willing to contribute to that activity, so there’s that. I do feel that MyFitness Pal is missing some of my favorite exercising activities however, and I am genuinely curious as to how many calories these burn.
A simpler time, when doughnuts reigned.
My “Favorite” Exercises
- Putting on a sports bra on a wet body
- Taking off said sports bra after “arm” day
- Wiping the face of three year old
- OMG we over-slept, let’s make it to the school bus sprints (the adrenaline has to count for extra calories here.)
- Typing, and then rapidly deleting and re-typing that snarky comment that you can’t send (but kind of want to.) Is rage typing a thing?
- Reloading the dishwasher after someone loaded it WRONG
- Competitive sock hunting
- Speed reading a REALLY good book, flipping pages FAST! What if its a really thick book? Weights?
- In a related vein, speed crocheting (yes, I am an 80 year old woman at times)
- Carrying all the groceries in one trip. Laziness for the win.
- Hot laps around Target (may be canceled out by the GINORMOUS latte purchased at Starbucks in the front.)
Am I missing any? I will start to petition MyFitness Pal to include these in their activity offerings. I will keep you posted on my progress. Ridiculous petitioning… that has to be worth at least 30 calories, right?
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a life just ordinary 